Everybody in the Pool
I joined a day camp (for its pool) and re-established old connections with the kids' much younger parents. Do you have intergenerational friendships? And where do you cool off? An Open Thread.
Readers,
Last summer, when I got us memberships to what is basically a day camp, my husband, Brian, was understandably skeptical. I wanted a place to take cool dips on hot days, an alternative to our local creeks and Kingston Point Beach, both of which we love, but which, at some point each summer, are invariably shut down for weeks at a time because of high levels of E. coli and other bacteria. There weren’t many affordable options.
When I learned that this unfancy place (filled, weekdays, with kids playing sports and doing arts and crafts) made its small pool, clubhouse, and tennis courts available to adults evenings and weekends, I was all in.
On our first day last season, as we walked through the gate, Brian and I were pleasantly surprised to hear people happily calling out our names. It turned out many locals we’d been friendly with for years, but hadn’t seen during the pandemic, were members. The place became a favorite summer hang—the perfect “third place,” where we could just bump into friends and casually socialize with them, without having to first make plans. Naturally, we rejoined this summer.
At 58 (me) and 62 (Brian), we are by far the oldest members, in some cases by multiple decades, and the only ones who don’t have kids. But somehow being among so many parents and their grade-school- to high-school-aged kids never feels weird, probably because we’ve always had friends of all ages. In the mid-Hudson Valley, where we’ve lived for 19 years since leaving New York City, we’ve been part of a community of creative types, and something about that scene seems to make age differences fall away.
I’ve written frequently here about how inspired I am by intergenerational friendship. It fosters greater understanding all around—we all have so much to learn from each other, in both directions!—and helps toward destigmatizing and normalizing aging.
I’m wondering whether you all have intergenerational friendships, too—and also, how and where you cool off in the heat. (Especially if you live near me! Could use a few more places to swim…) So, in the comments, please tell me:
How old are you? Do you maintain intergenerational friendships? Tell a little bit about one or more, if you’d like. How did you meet? What’s the difference in your ages? What’s it like being friends with someone much younger or older? Does the age difference matter? In a good way? In a bad way? Also: Where do you live? Where’s your favorite place to cool off in the heat? (Feel free to answer any or all of the above.)
***
Each time we’re at the pool, I think about a man we met (in another pool, at a hotel) last August, while visiting California. He told us he was traveling to institute a state-wide program aimed at teaching young children how to play again—with other kids, and without screens—after the more socially restrictive years of the pandemic.
In the Covid era, he explained, so many young kids never played with others besides their siblings, if they even had them, and the slightly older kids who’d played with others before had since forgotten how to. What’s more, so many of them had only attended Zoom school, and, with busy parents working from home all that time, they’d gotten used to having digital devices as their babysitters. It created an army of little screen addicts who had no idea how to interact with their peers.
“Can you please offer this for adults, too?” I quipped. “We desperately need it.”
After I said it, I realized I wasn’t fully kidding. Hiding inside our homes for the greater part of three years took an emotional toll on many of us, and left us rusty at interacting with friends and acquaintances. The pool has been a great antidote. It’s allowed me to reconnect with people in a low-stakes way, while also getting a swim in. It’s so easy—I show up…make chit-chat while searching for a chaise…read a book…look up and see an old acquaintance walking past and we talk a bit. I swim around—or if the pool is overrun with kids playing, I tread water with a whacky noodle under my arms, while letting happy kid sounds wash over me.
It’s a welcome reminder of childhood being in the presence of kids unselfconsciously squealing through water games they’ve made up together. Or overhearing a tween hilariously trying on some verbal sass for the first time. Or engaging with a chatty toddler with an imagination. On these things, the pool truly delivers. What’s more, while I don’t know what those children’s relationship to technology is in their homes, it’s nice to notice how few devices are present poolside—to see kids playing together IRL, in and around the water.
***
There’s one little girl in particular who stands out for me, a 4-and-1/2-year-old daughter of friends. She’s always excited to see us, maybe because we’ve taken turns helping her put on her goggles, and hanging out beside her for a bit as she floats, with the help of her water wings. Each time, she breathlessly regales us with her summer adventures—where she went, who she saw, where she and her family are headed next.
When she spots us coming through the gate, she shouts, “Mommy, Mommy, our friends are here!” It’s as heartening as when the grownups first greeted us, last summer.
Our little pool pal was only five months old when the world shut down in March 2020. I’m happy she has this place where she can learn to play—and where I’m relearning.
***
Okay, your turn:
How old are you? Do you maintain intergenerational friendships? Tell a little bit about one or more, if you’d like. How did you meet? What’s the difference in your ages? What’s it like being friends with someone much younger or older? Does the age difference matter? Also: Where do you live? Where’s your favorite place to cool off in the heat? (Feel free to answer any or all of the above.)
Thanks, as always, for reading and thoughtfully commenting. Oldster has the most engaged, thoughtful, and kind commenters I’ve ever witnessed. Thank you, too, for all your support. 🙏 Have a great weekend!
-Sari
I'm nervous about going to our condo pool, because I am afraid I won't know how to make small talk. Which is ridiculous, because I am the receptionist for my university office and used to be a society reporter! But I am going Sunday! Will report back.
I’m 54. In late fall of 2019, newly separated and my kids grown(ish), I started doing volunteer phone banking for Bernie Sanders. The spot where I did it was near a college campus and while not many undergrads participated, it drew a generally younger crowd including people who (like me) were a little bit at a loose end socially, often new to town. From this group, a crowd of about 15-30+ of us stayed connected in the pandemic, continued remote and in person political activism, had a remote book group and a remote movie night, went camping together. We are still friends, some closer than others. The age range is 20s to 60s, but most are millennials. I eventually started dating a man from this group (13 years my junior) and we married last September. We all feel so fortunate to have had a socially lively pandemic.