"I don’t think being in recovery is hard. I think life is hard, and there is real horror in understanding that drinking cannot actually alter reality."
Kristi, thank you. There are so many thought-gems in this interview! But of all of them, this one resonates most: "I’ve worked hard in the last few years to just speak when I need to be heard, and to believe I deserve to be heard. But it’s an ongoing effort." I wish for you a contented life full of what brings you joy!
"So why not go out on a limb now and then? Limbs can be fun."
Hugs over Linus. I still miss Olo, our wonderful golden retriever mix. He will always be a part of me.
On addiction: alcohol never really did it for me, but I feel this way about food. Like, are you going to eat that? Why are you talking instead of eating this deliciousness? You're actually throwing it away? Are we even friends?
Congrats on your sobriety and creativity and humour.
You are such a strong woman to have decided to give up drinking a bottle of wine each day and actually DO IT! You went through all the withdrawal symptoms, and made it to the other side. How much stronger can anyone be than that! You must be soo proud of yourself to have reached eleven years of sobriety! I’m so proud of you too, Kris!
Thank you Kristi for sharing your story. I identified with so much of it. It was good to remember my drinking years … how my brain and body were so negatively affected. I knew I drank to deal with my fear of being vulnerable, of needing people in my life. Sobriety has allowed me to let love in.
Her memoir EXIT INTERVIEW was one of the best books I read last year. I was laid off last August and read her book when I was mopey and unemployed. It was so good and I highly recommend it!
I relate so much to being frustrated with the AA messaging. Having spent time with the literature now, I almost loathe going to meetings. It’s fuckin painful to hear someone keep saying the inverse of Step One, as a brag of comprehension. I know I can never drink again, except to intentionally kill myself.
Idk if the Traditions have been tossed aside or what, but I know I need community of some sort. Currently being assessed for autism is also cracking open my mind and spirit to some of the suggestions being balked at was just that, a brain that was capable of honesty, but not perseverance of life’s conditions. Hell, I am balking at the steps to move right now, despite really wanting a safer home.
Why the fuck am I more comfortable sharing here, than in my own home group?
Holy fucking shit, bro. It is not often that I find a single comment that is THISISWHATISWRONGWITHONLINECULTURE, but you really took the cake here.
I mean, thanks for this really dishonest and immoral attempt at "helping", because I got off my doom-scroll phone and logged onto my laptop, solely so I could unsubscribe to your shitpost, but also respond at length, as an unpaid human with a soul.
You freely admit you were miserable and alone, without a sense of community or purpose, repeatedly coming to meetings, and rejecting the actual program. And then you surrendered to it? And your whole world changed?
And then you abandoned the conference-approved literature and ignored the Traditions and Steps, that maintain a spiritually-progressive lifestyle and fellowship? And now you're doing dickmoves like this, promoting your own work, under someone trying to also build a for-pay community? FOR SHAME, MY DUDE. FOR SHAME. Even Jesus weeps.
AA is perfect, in it's intention and application of group-conscience, "God-"driven fellowship. Reading AA Comes of Age, just this week, after having one of those soul-cracked-open moments at both a More About Alcoholism (BB chapter) and 6th Step (12&12) meetings this week, and then some long, slow walks in nature, has really made me chuckle at my home group. It's time I suggest a Traditions group consciousness at the next business meeting. I AM RESPONSIBLE for the culture of my home group.
There is no authority in AA. Bill may have wrote the manuscripts, but the WHOLE reviews them. The Plain Text BB, coming out in NOV 2024, looks to be amazing. Yes. there will be more SHE's than HE's, and God will be expressed in less religious terms, but the main emphasis was writing it on a 4th grade reading level. So that it is a far more effective tool for those incarcerated or under the influence of detox or mental health crisis interventions. It's how the media was supposed to report journalism, not the GOTCHA aspect you tried to blog about. For wide comprehension and expansion of thought.
There are no rules in AA, except Rule 62. The Traditions and Concepts are guidelines to avoid collapse and controversy. Shit just went down at World Services. As it has before, and as it will again.
Because alcoholics are not perfect. They are not gods among men. Sponsorship is suggested and there are more suggestions for the SPONSOR, than the SPONSEE, in the pamphlet. (www.aa.org has a ton of free PDFs and openly available information) The Steps are suggested. The book is not required for purchase, many groups and intergroups/central offices will freely mail them to you. Just like my first meeting, when a beautiful man handed me a 12 & 12, said it was mine to keep, and they went to Step One as the format. I still have that copy, 2 decades later. Craig changed my life, and I haven't seen or heard from him since 2004. Because I ran. Because I tried every softer way. Because I was still trying to kill myself, even with YEARS of soDRYiety.
I cannot speak for AA, as a whole. I don't think every single group or person fits the 2nd to last paragraph on page 164. I know I am offered both unconditional love and a stern warning, from the literature. I don't expect every meeting to fill and edify my spirit. That would be selfish. I am reading and reflecting to FIND ME, to FIND GOD. Because I had a revelation at my last attempt at a Fourth step, and that is the reason for the autism assessment. What part of my resentments were valid trauma and neurodivergence that I couldn't STOP the WAVES OF SHAME from separating me from the sunlight of the Spirit, and what is the shit I just ain't being honest about.
I cannot pray for you. That's not how the program works. But idk, man, you really chapped my ass. This is my sincere reply. Free of charge. Happy Thursday.
I love Oldster Magazine and I love Kristi Coulter. What a treat to read this interview. Nothing Good Can Come of This is brilliant, raw, funny and truthful. As a fellow gen X former wino and a recovering accidental tech cog, it’s not an overstatement to say that book changed my life. Thank you!
It was so wonderful to hear this in Kristi's voice, just as she is. What she's so great at is community and friendship in sobriety, and I feel lucky that she's helped me celebrate some important moments of recovery.
Kristi, thank you. There are so many thought-gems in this interview! But of all of them, this one resonates most: "I’ve worked hard in the last few years to just speak when I need to be heard, and to believe I deserve to be heard. But it’s an ongoing effort." I wish for you a contented life full of what brings you joy!
This was especially good. I like her point that not drinking stopped being an accomplishment and became a default.
Yes me too! I actually wrote it down!
So much to love here.
"So why not go out on a limb now and then? Limbs can be fun."
Hugs over Linus. I still miss Olo, our wonderful golden retriever mix. He will always be a part of me.
On addiction: alcohol never really did it for me, but I feel this way about food. Like, are you going to eat that? Why are you talking instead of eating this deliciousness? You're actually throwing it away? Are we even friends?
Congrats on your sobriety and creativity and humour.
You are such a strong woman to have decided to give up drinking a bottle of wine each day and actually DO IT! You went through all the withdrawal symptoms, and made it to the other side. How much stronger can anyone be than that! You must be soo proud of yourself to have reached eleven years of sobriety! I’m so proud of you too, Kris!
Thank you Kristi for sharing your story. I identified with so much of it. It was good to remember my drinking years … how my brain and body were so negatively affected. I knew I drank to deal with my fear of being vulnerable, of needing people in my life. Sobriety has allowed me to let love in.
<3
🔥💥🙌🙌
I loved reading this.
Thank you xo
LOVE her writing! So excited to see this. Kristi, you have fans.
Wonderful, insightful interview. Thank you.
Her memoir EXIT INTERVIEW was one of the best books I read last year. I was laid off last August and read her book when I was mopey and unemployed. It was so good and I highly recommend it!
She's a brilliant writer!
Strong, insightful and honest. Thanks Kristi. I related to all of what you’ve written.
Kristi- thank you for this. Fellow sober Seattle writer here, full of respect and gratitude for all you’ve shared over the years.
Welcome to sober Substack 👍
I relate so much to being frustrated with the AA messaging. Having spent time with the literature now, I almost loathe going to meetings. It’s fuckin painful to hear someone keep saying the inverse of Step One, as a brag of comprehension. I know I can never drink again, except to intentionally kill myself.
Idk if the Traditions have been tossed aside or what, but I know I need community of some sort. Currently being assessed for autism is also cracking open my mind and spirit to some of the suggestions being balked at was just that, a brain that was capable of honesty, but not perseverance of life’s conditions. Hell, I am balking at the steps to move right now, despite really wanting a safer home.
Why the fuck am I more comfortable sharing here, than in my own home group?
This might help: https://michaelmohr.substack.com/p/misunderstanding-alcoholics-anonymous
Holy fucking shit, bro. It is not often that I find a single comment that is THISISWHATISWRONGWITHONLINECULTURE, but you really took the cake here.
I mean, thanks for this really dishonest and immoral attempt at "helping", because I got off my doom-scroll phone and logged onto my laptop, solely so I could unsubscribe to your shitpost, but also respond at length, as an unpaid human with a soul.
You freely admit you were miserable and alone, without a sense of community or purpose, repeatedly coming to meetings, and rejecting the actual program. And then you surrendered to it? And your whole world changed?
And then you abandoned the conference-approved literature and ignored the Traditions and Steps, that maintain a spiritually-progressive lifestyle and fellowship? And now you're doing dickmoves like this, promoting your own work, under someone trying to also build a for-pay community? FOR SHAME, MY DUDE. FOR SHAME. Even Jesus weeps.
AA is perfect, in it's intention and application of group-conscience, "God-"driven fellowship. Reading AA Comes of Age, just this week, after having one of those soul-cracked-open moments at both a More About Alcoholism (BB chapter) and 6th Step (12&12) meetings this week, and then some long, slow walks in nature, has really made me chuckle at my home group. It's time I suggest a Traditions group consciousness at the next business meeting. I AM RESPONSIBLE for the culture of my home group.
There is no authority in AA. Bill may have wrote the manuscripts, but the WHOLE reviews them. The Plain Text BB, coming out in NOV 2024, looks to be amazing. Yes. there will be more SHE's than HE's, and God will be expressed in less religious terms, but the main emphasis was writing it on a 4th grade reading level. So that it is a far more effective tool for those incarcerated or under the influence of detox or mental health crisis interventions. It's how the media was supposed to report journalism, not the GOTCHA aspect you tried to blog about. For wide comprehension and expansion of thought.
There are no rules in AA, except Rule 62. The Traditions and Concepts are guidelines to avoid collapse and controversy. Shit just went down at World Services. As it has before, and as it will again.
Because alcoholics are not perfect. They are not gods among men. Sponsorship is suggested and there are more suggestions for the SPONSOR, than the SPONSEE, in the pamphlet. (www.aa.org has a ton of free PDFs and openly available information) The Steps are suggested. The book is not required for purchase, many groups and intergroups/central offices will freely mail them to you. Just like my first meeting, when a beautiful man handed me a 12 & 12, said it was mine to keep, and they went to Step One as the format. I still have that copy, 2 decades later. Craig changed my life, and I haven't seen or heard from him since 2004. Because I ran. Because I tried every softer way. Because I was still trying to kill myself, even with YEARS of soDRYiety.
I cannot speak for AA, as a whole. I don't think every single group or person fits the 2nd to last paragraph on page 164. I know I am offered both unconditional love and a stern warning, from the literature. I don't expect every meeting to fill and edify my spirit. That would be selfish. I am reading and reflecting to FIND ME, to FIND GOD. Because I had a revelation at my last attempt at a Fourth step, and that is the reason for the autism assessment. What part of my resentments were valid trauma and neurodivergence that I couldn't STOP the WAVES OF SHAME from separating me from the sunlight of the Spirit, and what is the shit I just ain't being honest about.
I cannot pray for you. That's not how the program works. But idk, man, you really chapped my ass. This is my sincere reply. Free of charge. Happy Thursday.
What a beautiful, generous interview. Thank you <3
So glad you enjoyed it, Emma. <3
I love Oldster Magazine and I love Kristi Coulter. What a treat to read this interview. Nothing Good Can Come of This is brilliant, raw, funny and truthful. As a fellow gen X former wino and a recovering accidental tech cog, it’s not an overstatement to say that book changed my life. Thank you!
It was so wonderful to hear this in Kristi's voice, just as she is. What she's so great at is community and friendship in sobriety, and I feel lucky that she's helped me celebrate some important moments of recovery.
👍👍💪