Great idea for Oldster♥️ Beautifully said Martha💕I can see so much of myself in your essay. I book marked that feeling of oblivion...." Mine was the delirium brought on by a high fever when I was 12. I looked for it diligently until I found it again at 15 in a Christmas rye and ginger. Last weekend, at 68, I attended my niece's wedding. For the first time in my life I danced without having a few, or far too many drinks in me first. Toasted all the toasts with my water glass. Joyfully took my grandchildren up to their hotel room about 10 to let their parents have a some time to enjoy on their own, and remembered it all. Taking the pledge finally at 65 has been the best! We can recover♥️🦋Better together. Thank you.
That is good advice for anyone. I have been sober all my life -- no virtue, I am allergic to alcohol -- but it was actually a heavy drinker friend who taught me "the Irish goodbye."
Bravo, Martha. I like your description of waking up sober and free of bad feelings. I had forgotten that. I am sober 12 years, though never went to any meetings, just decided I needed a sober life if I ever was going to be a writer. I also don't mind being around people who drink, but have noticed that they, not I, are less than great company.
It's great to hear of you getting sober later in life, gives me hope for family members. Congratulations on writing Hats & Eyeglasses, another addition to my very long wish list of books. Great to know about Woodstock Bookfest Story Slam. I teach YogaofRecovery.com in Woodbourne, NY - closeby although our dates are usually July/August.
Congratulations! There seems to be a consensus in the recovery community that one is less likely to achieve sobriety beyond 60. I'm 75 and have been sober 11 years. Are we outliers? I hope not. My drinking was an escape mechanism; a bad marriage, a killer career, depression, anxiety, it was a self reinforcing feedback loop. Absent those things (divorce, retirement, kids grown) I had the space to look at things through different lenses. Also, the choice was clear - continue and die, or quit and live.
My path to sobriety is also one toward self awareness, informed by the practice of Buddhism. Another self reinforcing loop, but one with rewards. Thank you for your sharing.
Yay for us who got sober late! I did it 8 years ago at age 60. Wish I had done it earlier because it was the best decision ever. Congrats to you on 10 years!
Longtime reader of The Small Bow -- almost all the Irish men in my family have had a calamitous “thirst” that has had an impact on me, and A.J.’s newsletter has helped me understand their struggle. Very much looking forward to this month-long series.
First, I want to praise Sari Botton and Oldster for deciding to run this feature. The degree to which Americans are addicted to something is staggering. As I have said here before, I have been a therapist for over 50 years. I would say that at least 33% of all the people I saw suffered from addiction, or from someone in the family who was addicted. Half of those people had no awareness that their addictive behaviors were disrupting their lives and causing those around them to suffer.
Really, this is true of the entire world. It is true because alcohol, and many drugs work; they do what many people want them to. They give us a buzz, they blot out the pain, they reduce anxiety and let us be social, they help us sleep (kind of), they make us feel happier and clever, or they just make us slip away into our own little fog of bliss, where nothing else matters.
But, they are addictions. That means they take over your life. They often become more important than your family, friends, job, or health. If they don’t directly kill you, they will do something that will shorten your life, possibly by decades.
Highlighting recovery sends a great message to older people. So many older people who stop having to go to work, who slow down or become injured or depressed, become isolated and easily fall into some soothing addiction. I am very happy to see that Oldster recognizes these problems.
Second, Choosing Martha Frankel to be the opening writer is a great choice. She shows that you are never too old to fall into an addiction, and you are never too old to work your way out of it. Getting sober isn’t easy. Addictions are the result of the interaction of many factors, physical, genetic, psychological, sociological, and familial. Everyone’s story is different, but there is often a lot of overlap.
I love this Sober Oldster series too; thank you Sari for starting it! I got sober barely out of my teens, but at a f2f women's meeting I just started, there are several oldsters like me, sober our entire adult lives, and brand newcomers seeking to join us in sobriety in their sixties or seventies, sweet as can be. I've been sending the Oldster and now Sober Oldster links to friends, and I just ordered Martha Frankel's suggestion, Blackout, through interlibrary loan. I recommend the Irish novel Again, Rachel, for an amazing read about recovery. All told with that recovery humor many of us know so well - how we can fill a room with laughter about stuff that would make others cry. Thank you Martha for your share!
Great idea for Oldster♥️ Beautifully said Martha💕I can see so much of myself in your essay. I book marked that feeling of oblivion...." Mine was the delirium brought on by a high fever when I was 12. I looked for it diligently until I found it again at 15 in a Christmas rye and ginger. Last weekend, at 68, I attended my niece's wedding. For the first time in my life I danced without having a few, or far too many drinks in me first. Toasted all the toasts with my water glass. Joyfully took my grandchildren up to their hotel room about 10 to let their parents have a some time to enjoy on their own, and remembered it all. Taking the pledge finally at 65 has been the best! We can recover♥️🦋Better together. Thank you.
Thanks for sharing your story here, too, Deborah!
"I’ve learned to leave most parties earlier than I used to. Sometimes way, way earlier." -- This is everything!
That is good advice for anyone. I have been sober all my life -- no virtue, I am allergic to alcohol -- but it was actually a heavy drinker friend who taught me "the Irish goodbye."
Ironically I learned about the Irish goodbye from a Latinx person (Carolita Johnson).
Bravo, Martha. I like your description of waking up sober and free of bad feelings. I had forgotten that. I am sober 12 years, though never went to any meetings, just decided I needed a sober life if I ever was going to be a writer. I also don't mind being around people who drink, but have noticed that they, not I, are less than great company.
It's great to hear of you getting sober later in life, gives me hope for family members. Congratulations on writing Hats & Eyeglasses, another addition to my very long wish list of books. Great to know about Woodstock Bookfest Story Slam. I teach YogaofRecovery.com in Woodbourne, NY - closeby although our dates are usually July/August.
<3
we have an offering in Woodbourne, Aug 13-18, 2023 - Life is Prana – practices for vitality to overcome our ‘addictiveness’ with Chandika : )
https://sivanandayogaranch.org/event/life-is-prana-practices-for-vitality/
I met Martha about 6 years ago and she was inspirational the moment she said hello and shook my hand.
Congratulations! There seems to be a consensus in the recovery community that one is less likely to achieve sobriety beyond 60. I'm 75 and have been sober 11 years. Are we outliers? I hope not. My drinking was an escape mechanism; a bad marriage, a killer career, depression, anxiety, it was a self reinforcing feedback loop. Absent those things (divorce, retirement, kids grown) I had the space to look at things through different lenses. Also, the choice was clear - continue and die, or quit and live.
My path to sobriety is also one toward self awareness, informed by the practice of Buddhism. Another self reinforcing loop, but one with rewards. Thank you for your sharing.
Yay for us who got sober late! I did it 8 years ago at age 60. Wish I had done it earlier because it was the best decision ever. Congrats to you on 10 years!
thank you Dear Martha xx
Good addition to Oldster. So much written here rings true. Especially waking up without shame.
Longtime reader of The Small Bow -- almost all the Irish men in my family have had a calamitous “thirst” that has had an impact on me, and A.J.’s newsletter has helped me understand their struggle. Very much looking forward to this month-long series.
Indeed, The Small Bow is incredible. Glad to know it's been so helpful for you. BTW, the series is not month-long, but monthly.
Monthly is even better!
First, I want to praise Sari Botton and Oldster for deciding to run this feature. The degree to which Americans are addicted to something is staggering. As I have said here before, I have been a therapist for over 50 years. I would say that at least 33% of all the people I saw suffered from addiction, or from someone in the family who was addicted. Half of those people had no awareness that their addictive behaviors were disrupting their lives and causing those around them to suffer.
Really, this is true of the entire world. It is true because alcohol, and many drugs work; they do what many people want them to. They give us a buzz, they blot out the pain, they reduce anxiety and let us be social, they help us sleep (kind of), they make us feel happier and clever, or they just make us slip away into our own little fog of bliss, where nothing else matters.
But, they are addictions. That means they take over your life. They often become more important than your family, friends, job, or health. If they don’t directly kill you, they will do something that will shorten your life, possibly by decades.
Highlighting recovery sends a great message to older people. So many older people who stop having to go to work, who slow down or become injured or depressed, become isolated and easily fall into some soothing addiction. I am very happy to see that Oldster recognizes these problems.
Second, Choosing Martha Frankel to be the opening writer is a great choice. She shows that you are never too old to fall into an addiction, and you are never too old to work your way out of it. Getting sober isn’t easy. Addictions are the result of the interaction of many factors, physical, genetic, psychological, sociological, and familial. Everyone’s story is different, but there is often a lot of overlap.
Ok, I’m writing too much here. Again, Great Idea!
Thank you for the kind words and acknowledgement here! Means a lot coming from someone with your professional experience. <3
Martha, thank you for sharing this. I hope it touches and inspires others the way it has me.
👏👏👏
Wow, Martha thanks for that. I really enjoyed reading this interview and made a note of the books you mentioned. xoxo
Martha ❤️
I love this Sober Oldster series too; thank you Sari for starting it! I got sober barely out of my teens, but at a f2f women's meeting I just started, there are several oldsters like me, sober our entire adult lives, and brand newcomers seeking to join us in sobriety in their sixties or seventies, sweet as can be. I've been sending the Oldster and now Sober Oldster links to friends, and I just ordered Martha Frankel's suggestion, Blackout, through interlibrary loan. I recommend the Irish novel Again, Rachel, for an amazing read about recovery. All told with that recovery humor many of us know so well - how we can fill a room with laughter about stuff that would make others cry. Thank you Martha for your share!
This is all great to hear, Kirie! Thanks for your kind words about this series, and for sharing the links!