From the time I was 10, I’ve been obsessed with what it means to grow older. I’m curious about what it means to others, of all ages, and so I invite them to take “The Oldster Magazine Questionnaire.” (*The Oldster Magazine Questionnaire is exclusive to Oldster Magazine. ©Sari Botton)
Here, Bernice L. McFadden , author of 17 books and Tulane University associate professor of English, responds. (She and I are both “first-born girls,” and Libras, born six days apart in October, 1965.) -Sari Botton
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“Oldster is filled with smart and inspiring conversations on aging and life.” - Keris Fox, who writes The Ladybird Purse • Talk Money to Me .
Bernice L. McFadden is a firstborn daughter, mother, author of more than dozen novels and one memoir, Firstborn Girls. She is an associate professor of English and Tulane University and in 2022 she created and trademarked the word: Angelcestor. This weekend, she’ll be at the Black Book Bash in Jacksonville, Florida.
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How old are you?
60 years young!
Is there another age you associate with yourself in your mind? If so, what is it? And why, do you think?
I think the age 34. That was how old I was when I published my debut novel, Sugar. It stands out because it marked the moment when my publishing dreams came true. I’m much older now, but I still dream big—just like I did when I was 34 years old.
When I was in my 40s, 60 seemed so old. But now that I’m here, I realize it’s not old at all. I thought that 60 was an age when one starts winding down, but I feel like I’m just revving up!
Do you feel old for your age? Young for your age? Just right? Are you in step with your peers?
I don’t feel old at all. I have friends that have had hip and knee replacements, and others who are on meds for diabetes and hypertension. I haven’t experienced any of that. I do have brain fog—which I attribute to menopause. Other than that, I feel good. I feel happy (most of the time—given this political climate) and I feel grateful to be able to feel all of those things.
What do you like about being your age?
I love that I know more about myself, this country and the world than I did when I was half this age. I used to be a huge people pleaser—but not anymore, and I love that for myself!
What is difficult about being your age?
I guess, knowing that I have more years behind me than I do in front of me.
What is surprising about being your age, or different from what you expected, based on what you were told?
When I was in my 40s, 60 seemed so old. But now that I’m here, I realize it’s not old at all. I thought that 60 was an age when one starts winding down, but I feel like I’m just revving up!
The older I get, the deeper my connection grows with my ancestors/angelcestors. I understand that because I literally carry their DNA in my blood and in my tissue, that I am them and they are me. Although I live in the present I am also inexplicably tied to the past. The more I discover about the people who came before me, the better I understand the woman I am still growing into.
What has aging given you? Taken away from you?
Age has given me wisdom, and it’s taken away the blinders that I lived with for decades. Now, when people show me who they are, I don’t make excuses. I absolutely take them at their word and/or actions, and I respond accordingly.
How has getting older affected your sense of yourself, or your identity?
The older I get, the deeper my connection grows with my ancestors/angelcestors. I understand that because I literally carry their DNA in my blood and in my tissue, that I am them and they are me. Although I live in the present I am also inexplicably tied to the past. The more I discover about the people who came before me, the better I understand the woman I am still growing into.
What are some age-related milestones you are looking forward to? Or ones you “missed,” and might try to reach later, off-schedule, according to our culture and its expectations?
I’m an avid traveler. I’ve seen quite a bit of the world, but I have so much more to see, and I hope to accomplish that over the next decade. Also, I’d like to pursue other creative outlets like collage art and gardening. I’ve a long-held desire to take voice lessons and maybe put out a single wherein I cover one of my favorite Aretha Franklin songs.
My favorite age was 36. That was the year I published my second novel, The Warmest December, which the late, great Toni Morrison read and blurbed!!! That was also the age I bought my first home and my first car. I was a year chock-full of magic.
What has been your favorite age so far, and why? Would you go back to this age if you could?
My favorite age was 36. That was the year I published my second novel, The Warmest December, which the late, great Toni Morrison read and blurbed!!! That was also the age I bought my first home and my first car. I was a year chock-full of magic.
Is there someone who is older than you, who makes growing older inspiring to you? Who is your aging idol and why?
I have some close friends who are in their mid 70’s, living lives as vibrant and exciting as people half their age. They are a constant reminder that age is just a number.
What aging-related adjustments have you recently made, style-wise, beauty-wise, health-wise?
When I’m tired, I rest. I’ve cut the energy vampires out of my life. I drink my water, mind my business, and chant positive affirmations to keep my vibration high and bright.
What’s an aging-related adjustment you refuse to make, and why?
I can’t think of a thing!
I have some close friends who are in their mid 70’s, living lives as vibrant and exciting as people half their age. They are a constant reminder that age is just a number.
What turn of events had the biggest impact on your life? What took your life in a different direction, for better or worse?
In 2016 my mother fell and suffered a head injury. That event marked a sudden reversal of roles. I am now the parent in our relationship. It’s not always easy, but the upside is that I get to express my love and appreciation for all the sacrifices she made to raise me. It is an honor and a privilege to be in a position where I can make these final years of her life as happy and as comfortable as possible.
What is your number one regret in life? If you could do it all over again, what is the biggest thing you’d do differently?
In July of 2010, my daughter and I had a very ugly falling out. I wish I could go back in time and change everything about that day.
What is high up on your “bucket list?” What do you hope to achieve, attain, or plain enjoy before you die?
Before I die, I hope that my word “Angelcestor” enters the American lexicon and gets added to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary.
In 2016 my mother fell and suffered a head injury. That event marked a sudden reversal of roles. I am now the parent in our relationship. It’s not always easy, but the upside is that I get to express my love and appreciation for all the sacrifices she made to raise me. It is an honor and a privilege to be in a position where I can make these final years of her life as happy and as comfortable as possible.
Is there a piece of advice you were given, that you live by? If so, what was it, and who offered it to you?
My mother and my grandmother always told me that envious people will always talk ill about you—even if they must make it up. So, I should be who I want to be and live the way I want to live because haters are always going to hate and I can’t let their disregard define who I am, how I look or chose to live my life.
What are your plans for your body when you’re done using it? Burial? Cremation? Body Farm? Other?
Cremation!
How do you feel about dying? And what do you expect to happen to your “soul” or “spirit” after you die?
Etana, the reggae singer has a line in her song, “I Am Not Afraid,” which is this: “I am not afraid of dying, I’m afraid of living till death.”
I don’t want to have a tragic death. I just want to go to sleep and have that be that.
I know that energy does not die, it changes. I believe in reincarnation and so expect to comee back here in some other form within a year or so of my demise! LOL.
But while I’m in between worlds, I hope to help guide and protect my descendants.
What’s your philosophy on celebrating birthdays as an adult? How do you celebrate yours?
I believe birthdays are to be celebrated! For my 60th I rented a cottage by the beach in Florida and invited a trio of girlfriends down to help ring in this new decade of life. I didn’t want a lot of a hoopla, just an intimate, cozy gathering.
However, next year when I turn 61, I’m thinking of throwing myself a big bash!
