You write: "My whole life, in a litany of ways, I’ve felt slightly different from everyone around me—family, friends, classmates, co-workers, and beyond." I used to think every writer felt that way. Now I think that every human being feels that way. And it is the glorious truth! No one is "average."
I’m so impressed with your honesty and openness in sharing your feelings. I enjoyed hearing about your search to find out why you feel different from others, and how you decided to be tested for a hunch that you had and to try to adjust to the findings.
You are lucky to be who you are, Sari—creatively innovative and, at the same time, confident to put it out there for others to learn about themselves!
Thanks for this! It's really interesting to keep learning about ourselves at every age. After some years flailing around trying to make a freelance food policy career happen, I went back to school in a masters program in planning at 58, and now at 61, am doing research and pursuing a PhD, where my unusual intensity seems to be an asset. The idea of testing is intriguing, but maybe by now I've figured out work arounds? I look forward to reading Choi's piece!
Inspiring! Congrats on the new path. I debated whether to formally test, and whether it was enough to just know that I am somewhat different. But the diagnosis is helping me to feel validated in my suspicions about myself, and to accept myself, so I'm glad I got it.
Here’s my sage advice from a year ahead. (ENJOY 59!!!!!!
I know it’s tempting to look ahead to the big decade changes but it often means we short ourselves a year of the decade we are still in. I did exactly that. I said “I’m almost 60” for an entire year. Then I turned 60 and realized I had robbed myself of being 59! Don’t do that!Instead, remember that you are still “in your fifties” which is something you won’t be able to go back to. So be fully 59 while you’re there. You can deal with sixty when it comes. (I’m finding sixty very sexy myself). But no need to jump ahead.
Onward and upward. In the last several years as I think about my family (including my adult kids), I’ve come to believe that more people are on the autism spectrum than is typically understood. It’s my physics—I’m an object in awkward motion that stays in awkward motion. 😊
So thoughtful, Sari. I was a late bloomer also. Began menstruating at age 16! No real boyfriends until college. I always felt a misfit and “left out” socially. Medical training was good for me because you can be a little odd and fit into the world of patient care easily. It gave me the outlet I needed to express myself. ❤️
Interesting, how patient care was a good fit for you in that way. PS I was 18 when that happened! Glad to know you can relate, Susan. Thanks for letting me know.
I'm brand-y new here, glad to be. I saw your video playing ukulele and singing a beautiful, beautiful (oldish?) song with your partner I literally (literally!) just (just!) bought a ukulele (with my non-disposable income, even) just (just again!) so I can learn that tune. Maybe even sing along with the video. Can you direct me to it? It was simple and gorgeous... Thank you!
I admire your ability to see yourself clearly and then be willing to share your deeply personal insights with honesty. I feel different too. Perhaps many of us do.
PS You are the farthest thing from a failure. I often think about how hard you work, how much you do, how many people there are whose lives you touch and enrich.
I love your spirit of curiosity and discovery. Have you seen Hannah Gadsby's "Douglas?" It's a wonderful (and hilarious) sharing about her journey around being on the spectrum.
I have been thinking about getting myself tested too! I related to RVERY WORD OF THIS. I feel so awkward and wrong and am always questioning myself and what I am doing that doesn’t fit with other people.
If I may paraphrase you: "I'll turn 79 in late October, 2024, and I’ll turn 80 in October, 2025. I’m a little freaked out about it!" A *little*?! 80? If I'm lucky. Hell, 79 if I'm lucky. But I'm using it—embracing it—investigating it. What's MY definition of "old woman"? Why was I still young at 75, even 76, but not now? How much can I reverse things physically through exercise and diet? What do young Americans think of old women? Of me? What do my peers think? And old men? In our Venn diagram of gender and age, how large or tiny is our shared circle?
Love this Sari. I can SO relate to that feeling of ahead/behind/ahead/behind and never really feeling 'inside' things. Lately I've learned to celebrate the moments when it all (or mostly all) aligns. I had that feeling last Friday night, and meeting you then was one aspect of alignment for me, for sure! And here's to your childish compass. It seems to be leading you in the right direction!!!!
Thank you so much, Alice! these kind words, and knowing you relate, mean a lot to me. It was such a pleasure to meet you and attend your wonderful book launch last Friday! It was such a fun and inspiring event. I had a feeling of “I want to be like her…” <3
Welcome to the club! Be gentle on yourself. The transition to knowing is weird. I got my diagnosis 6 years ago and am still struggling to put words to it in my writing, in a memoir I’ve been working on for years. I hope I’ll finish the book … but I have more understanding about why it’s so hard for me to order my thinking around it. (A book guide is an accommodation I could use!)
Thank you! For the kind words and the encouragement. And good luck with your book! Maybe join a book/memoir incubator? These are offered by writers like Chloe Caldwell, Megan Stielstra, Courtney Maum, and others.
So looking forward to following you on your journey to 60 and beyond. Your curiosity and insights help me look back at my journey to 75, wondering about the how’s and why’s along that path, as well as looking forward. So pleased you are embarking on this journey and I get to ride along! ❤️
“And You May Find Me” is in my cart, and I desperately need your pink Oldster tshirt to go with my black one. Will be ordering ASAP. Guess I’m a hopeless, happy, devoted fan of yours. Ha! And that can’t be bad!
You write: "My whole life, in a litany of ways, I’ve felt slightly different from everyone around me—family, friends, classmates, co-workers, and beyond." I used to think every writer felt that way. Now I think that every human being feels that way. And it is the glorious truth! No one is "average."
You might be right!
I've just ordered the Oldster T-shirt, in pink! You are doing a wonderful thing with this magazine.
Awww, thank you and thank you, Catherine!
You have given so much to others, Sari. Kinder and gentler to yourself. I wish that for you! ❤️
<3 <3 <3
I’m so impressed with your honesty and openness in sharing your feelings. I enjoyed hearing about your search to find out why you feel different from others, and how you decided to be tested for a hunch that you had and to try to adjust to the findings.
You are lucky to be who you are, Sari—creatively innovative and, at the same time, confident to put it out there for others to learn about themselves!
-Bella Ruth Bader
Beverly, this made me tear up. Thank you so much for these kind words. <3
Thanks for this! It's really interesting to keep learning about ourselves at every age. After some years flailing around trying to make a freelance food policy career happen, I went back to school in a masters program in planning at 58, and now at 61, am doing research and pursuing a PhD, where my unusual intensity seems to be an asset. The idea of testing is intriguing, but maybe by now I've figured out work arounds? I look forward to reading Choi's piece!
Inspiring! Congrats on the new path. I debated whether to formally test, and whether it was enough to just know that I am somewhat different. But the diagnosis is helping me to feel validated in my suspicions about myself, and to accept myself, so I'm glad I got it.
Here’s my sage advice from a year ahead. (ENJOY 59!!!!!!
I know it’s tempting to look ahead to the big decade changes but it often means we short ourselves a year of the decade we are still in. I did exactly that. I said “I’m almost 60” for an entire year. Then I turned 60 and realized I had robbed myself of being 59! Don’t do that!Instead, remember that you are still “in your fifties” which is something you won’t be able to go back to. So be fully 59 while you’re there. You can deal with sixty when it comes. (I’m finding sixty very sexy myself). But no need to jump ahead.
There! You’re welcome!
Thanks, Ann! I’m being 59, while (publicly) contemplating why 60 is scaring me and what it “means” in terms of cultural expectations. 💕
Onward and upward. In the last several years as I think about my family (including my adult kids), I’ve come to believe that more people are on the autism spectrum than is typically understood. It’s my physics—I’m an object in awkward motion that stays in awkward motion. 😊
I like that analogy and think you might be on to something.
Maybe I’ll write an essay.
Do it!
So thoughtful, Sari. I was a late bloomer also. Began menstruating at age 16! No real boyfriends until college. I always felt a misfit and “left out” socially. Medical training was good for me because you can be a little odd and fit into the world of patient care easily. It gave me the outlet I needed to express myself. ❤️
Interesting, how patient care was a good fit for you in that way. PS I was 18 when that happened! Glad to know you can relate, Susan. Thanks for letting me know.
Hello, Sari,
I'm brand-y new here, glad to be. I saw your video playing ukulele and singing a beautiful, beautiful (oldish?) song with your partner I literally (literally!) just (just!) bought a ukulele (with my non-disposable income, even) just (just again!) so I can learn that tune. Maybe even sing along with the video. Can you direct me to it? It was simple and gorgeous... Thank you!
Good to have you here, Kate! Glad you found that in my other post...
I admire your ability to see yourself clearly and then be willing to share your deeply personal insights with honesty. I feel different too. Perhaps many of us do.
PS You are the farthest thing from a failure. I often think about how hard you work, how much you do, how many people there are whose lives you touch and enrich.
💝🙏🏼
I love your spirit of curiosity and discovery. Have you seen Hannah Gadsby's "Douglas?" It's a wonderful (and hilarious) sharing about her journey around being on the spectrum.
Thank you! I haven't seen that—only Nannette—but will check it out!
I have been thinking about getting myself tested too! I related to RVERY WORD OF THIS. I feel so awkward and wrong and am always questioning myself and what I am doing that doesn’t fit with other people.
Thanks for letting me know. <3
Your own weird self is the most precious aspect of you. Congratulations on the diagnosis that helps you understand yourself!
Thank you, and thank you! 🙏
If I may paraphrase you: "I'll turn 79 in late October, 2024, and I’ll turn 80 in October, 2025. I’m a little freaked out about it!" A *little*?! 80? If I'm lucky. Hell, 79 if I'm lucky. But I'm using it—embracing it—investigating it. What's MY definition of "old woman"? Why was I still young at 75, even 76, but not now? How much can I reverse things physically through exercise and diet? What do young Americans think of old women? Of me? What do my peers think? And old men? In our Venn diagram of gender and age, how large or tiny is our shared circle?
These are great questions! The kind of questions that sparked Oldster! Happy almost 79th (and almost-almost 80th).
Love this Sari. I can SO relate to that feeling of ahead/behind/ahead/behind and never really feeling 'inside' things. Lately I've learned to celebrate the moments when it all (or mostly all) aligns. I had that feeling last Friday night, and meeting you then was one aspect of alignment for me, for sure! And here's to your childish compass. It seems to be leading you in the right direction!!!!
Thank you so much, Alice! these kind words, and knowing you relate, mean a lot to me. It was such a pleasure to meet you and attend your wonderful book launch last Friday! It was such a fun and inspiring event. I had a feeling of “I want to be like her…” <3
And so kind of you in return! I think we ARE like each other already!!!
Welcome to the club! Be gentle on yourself. The transition to knowing is weird. I got my diagnosis 6 years ago and am still struggling to put words to it in my writing, in a memoir I’ve been working on for years. I hope I’ll finish the book … but I have more understanding about why it’s so hard for me to order my thinking around it. (A book guide is an accommodation I could use!)
Thank you! For the kind words and the encouragement. And good luck with your book! Maybe join a book/memoir incubator? These are offered by writers like Chloe Caldwell, Megan Stielstra, Courtney Maum, and others.
So looking forward to following you on your journey to 60 and beyond. Your curiosity and insights help me look back at my journey to 75, wondering about the how’s and why’s along that path, as well as looking forward. So pleased you are embarking on this journey and I get to ride along! ❤️
Thank you, Phyllis. Glad you're along for the ride!
“And You May Find Me” is in my cart, and I desperately need your pink Oldster tshirt to go with my black one. Will be ordering ASAP. Guess I’m a hopeless, happy, devoted fan of yours. Ha! And that can’t be bad!
Awww, thanks, Phyllis. All of your support is so greatly appreciated. <3