Thank you I needed this. I am finding being 70 is just like that. I was naive, married for 53 years and shamelessly cloistered by my marriage, many sailing trips which put you in an entirely different space. Years at sea it seems. I am just getting my land legs. I am now a widow. So different, making all of the decisions (yes I chose pirate as my early 20's identity). It's hard now to be a pirate so I have become the creative artist that I always wanted to be. My art is in my garden, my home, my relationships. Yesterday at lunch with two friends we talked about the forks in the roads we chose. How precarious our futures are based on those choices as we aged. We married, we lived through the good times, bad times, like most marriages, until death does us part. I hope to find a companion who talks to me like your mate talks to you. I don't count on it. I am finding ways to be self sustainable, and the confidence it gives you even at 70 is pretty good. I don't focus on the end, I have seen it happen now to the person I was closest to. It was quick, unexpected and over with so fast. I know now. It is a beginning (and an ending) I wasn't prepared for. We are born to die. There is no escape. Maybe it leads to peace and harmony. I hope to come back as a big bird of prey. I want to fly. I have always wanted to do that.
My sister passed from ALS at 49. It took her mobility a few years before that. Nevertheless, her husband got them both up in ultralight planes in Hawai’i. Huge love to the pilots who strapped a paraplegic into one of those rigs! Her husband, flying a safe distance away heard her yelling “yabba dabba doooooooo!”
Simply magnificent thinking and writing. Compressing vast panoramas of thought into a kind of poetic sensibility that makes for compelling reading. Visceral and ethereal at the same time.
You always write the most shimmering unexpected pieces. I am taking this sentence and hoarding it in a special place: "I carry around a glass that is half a small child."
I love the remembering of first experiences as a child. No judgement, no filters, just endless wonder, curiosity and joy at the miraculous thing called life. It's a gift to get back to this place, even momentarily. I think it's only possible for most of us as we get older and have less to lose, and more reason to grab what we can of the remembering of "first moments" .
"I like the prance of a poodle with a poodle smile. I like my sister’s voicemails that are still on my phone. I like Mariachi music played softly on a radio. Did I do a reasonable job in my life? I’m not sure. Would you trust a person who eagerly said yes?" So moved by this!! Thank you, Laurie!
And FWIW... I had a class with Steven Marcus at Columbia in the late 80s! English Lit 1789-1832, which I remember fondly b/c it was the first time I read Jane Austen (Northanger Abbey).
As a career academic, I supervised, committee-membered and externally examined many PhD dissertations. Here and abroad. Dismissed by some of my colleagues as a “dissertation romantic”, I encouraged my doctoral students to follow their own dreams and passions with my awed and self-disciplined Socratic assistance. From Nuyorican poetry to child soldiers and concubines in civil wars to string quartets. Now at 87, I see the dark door quite clearly. But next week, I’m flying to Beijing to speak about doctoral education. Stephen Marcus didn’t have to be that way. Phd supervision doesn’t have to now. As to the future? Don’t count on “AI”. That’s why they call it “artificial”.
You are so welcome. It was a joy to write this piece, and it is an ongoing joy to collaborate with Sari. She is the perfect combination of welcoming and creative.
" I know that Steven Marcus was right about me, and that luckily I wasn't able to write another way." We readers are also lucky, and I kind of hate Steven Marcus for this. I'm so glad your voice is in the world. Don't stop.
always so deeply engaging and personal. thank you. steven marcus would appreciate that i got a C in my university science class because my research papers were "too flowery."
Okay this whole piece is ridiculously beautiful but this, this:
"On a personal level, I’m happier now than I was in the past. This is a thought experiment. In the past that I remember, even in times of oh dear I’m losing my balance and need to sit down on the curb, even in those times I’m pretty interested in what will happen next, and so, in a sense, I carry around a glass that is half a small child."
"It’s a byproduct of aging, that is, the shadow of approaching death all people our age feel, but in personally idiosyncratic ways." Perfectly expressed, and the shadows grow darker when our friends and their husbands start dying. But wait! There's hope! According to data collected by the US Census, when people were asked to score their happiness, "Life satisfaction takes a big dip at 20 and rises somewhat after that. But then it surges ahead, reaching a peak at age 73 or so! It declines only a little after that, never falling to the levels of ages 30 and 40." So don’t pity the old or look back to the splendors of youth! Big data tells us: true happiness lies in old age!
Thank you I needed this. I am finding being 70 is just like that. I was naive, married for 53 years and shamelessly cloistered by my marriage, many sailing trips which put you in an entirely different space. Years at sea it seems. I am just getting my land legs. I am now a widow. So different, making all of the decisions (yes I chose pirate as my early 20's identity). It's hard now to be a pirate so I have become the creative artist that I always wanted to be. My art is in my garden, my home, my relationships. Yesterday at lunch with two friends we talked about the forks in the roads we chose. How precarious our futures are based on those choices as we aged. We married, we lived through the good times, bad times, like most marriages, until death does us part. I hope to find a companion who talks to me like your mate talks to you. I don't count on it. I am finding ways to be self sustainable, and the confidence it gives you even at 70 is pretty good. I don't focus on the end, I have seen it happen now to the person I was closest to. It was quick, unexpected and over with so fast. I know now. It is a beginning (and an ending) I wasn't prepared for. We are born to die. There is no escape. Maybe it leads to peace and harmony. I hope to come back as a big bird of prey. I want to fly. I have always wanted to do that.
Lovely comment! I see you flying overheard now. xxL
You’ve still got time to fly.
My sister passed from ALS at 49. It took her mobility a few years before that. Nevertheless, her husband got them both up in ultralight planes in Hawai’i. Huge love to the pilots who strapped a paraplegic into one of those rigs! Her husband, flying a safe distance away heard her yelling “yabba dabba doooooooo!”
It’s on my bucket list!
That is a great remember!
You’ve inspired me; perhaps I can inspire you.
I’ve decided to go up myself now, as soon as I can find a pilot! First Time thrill opportunity 🥳
Simply magnificent thinking and writing. Compressing vast panoramas of thought into a kind of poetic sensibility that makes for compelling reading. Visceral and ethereal at the same time.
Thanks, love! When you coming back?
We are back. A week early. I’ll send details under separate cover.
You always write the most shimmering unexpected pieces. I am taking this sentence and hoarding it in a special place: "I carry around a glass that is half a small child."
Thanks, darling Janet. xxL
I too think this is a very good piece. I don’t know who said those things about dreaming, was I talking in my sleep?
😂
You said them whilst lurking far behind the cookie plate, perhaps?
"I carry around a glass that is half a small child." Take that Steven Marcus!!
I know, huh!? Brilliant! Brilliant. Oh, Steven Marcus, you poor old dead white guy fool.
Nothing poor about Macy’s. Old and dead, yes.
Poor in the "poor bitch" sense...
Oh god, you made me laugh out loud. xxL
❤️
I love the remembering of first experiences as a child. No judgement, no filters, just endless wonder, curiosity and joy at the miraculous thing called life. It's a gift to get back to this place, even momentarily. I think it's only possible for most of us as we get older and have less to lose, and more reason to grab what we can of the remembering of "first moments" .
"I like the prance of a poodle with a poodle smile. I like my sister’s voicemails that are still on my phone. I like Mariachi music played softly on a radio. Did I do a reasonable job in my life? I’m not sure. Would you trust a person who eagerly said yes?" So moved by this!! Thank you, Laurie!
And FWIW... I had a class with Steven Marcus at Columbia in the late 80s! English Lit 1789-1832, which I remember fondly b/c it was the first time I read Jane Austen (Northanger Abbey).
Such a deeply beautiful essay....
Thanks!
As a career academic, I supervised, committee-membered and externally examined many PhD dissertations. Here and abroad. Dismissed by some of my colleagues as a “dissertation romantic”, I encouraged my doctoral students to follow their own dreams and passions with my awed and self-disciplined Socratic assistance. From Nuyorican poetry to child soldiers and concubines in civil wars to string quartets. Now at 87, I see the dark door quite clearly. But next week, I’m flying to Beijing to speak about doctoral education. Stephen Marcus didn’t have to be that way. Phd supervision doesn’t have to now. As to the future? Don’t count on “AI”. That’s why they call it “artificial”.
Oh, what a gift you are. Thank you, Laurie.
You are so welcome. It was a joy to write this piece, and it is an ongoing joy to collaborate with Sari. She is the perfect combination of welcoming and creative.
YES, so much praise for Sari! Admiration, too. Both of you, total Inspirations.
💝
💝
" I know that Steven Marcus was right about me, and that luckily I wasn't able to write another way." We readers are also lucky, and I kind of hate Steven Marcus for this. I'm so glad your voice is in the world. Don't stop.
I kind of hate him too. Thank you.
always so deeply engaging and personal. thank you. steven marcus would appreciate that i got a C in my university science class because my research papers were "too flowery."
I'm sure he still does, dead and all. Thanks!!
Okay this whole piece is ridiculously beautiful but this, this:
"On a personal level, I’m happier now than I was in the past. This is a thought experiment. In the past that I remember, even in times of oh dear I’m losing my balance and need to sit down on the curb, even in those times I’m pretty interested in what will happen next, and so, in a sense, I carry around a glass that is half a small child."
A glass that is half a small child. Beautiful.
Thanks, dear Kristen.
“Personal liberation has social implications.” Yes it does. Beautiful piece.
Thanks, love.
"It’s a byproduct of aging, that is, the shadow of approaching death all people our age feel, but in personally idiosyncratic ways." Perfectly expressed, and the shadows grow darker when our friends and their husbands start dying. But wait! There's hope! According to data collected by the US Census, when people were asked to score their happiness, "Life satisfaction takes a big dip at 20 and rises somewhat after that. But then it surges ahead, reaching a peak at age 73 or so! It declines only a little after that, never falling to the levels of ages 30 and 40." So don’t pity the old or look back to the splendors of youth! Big data tells us: true happiness lies in old age!
This Anne Carson essay was exactly what I needed today. Thank you!