I Say Sow-DAH-dgeh...
A brief comic, and an Oldster Magazine Friday Open Thread about "saudade," the Portuguese word for a particular kind of nostalgia.
Readers,
I’ve joked many times that one of my superpowers is an ability to feel nostalgic and wistful for even the worst of times. But in recent years I’ve heard friends confess to the same thing, and realized I’m not so unique after all. Then, in the comics class I recently took with
I had occasion to learn there’s a Portuguese word for this tendency: “saudade.”As an exercise Aubrey had us choose an entry from a fun Instagram account called Depths of Wikipedia and make a brief comic about it. Not surprisingly, I was drawn to this one:
Are you prone to saudade—a nostalgia and wistfulness for a person, place, thing, or time in your life from long ago? Do you experience an almost enjoyable sadness with it? Tell me all about it in the comments…
Because I’m a personal essayist and memoirist, I spend a lot of time reviewing and mulling the past to make sense of it. I regularly sift through boxes of old photographs and flip through stacks of journals.
I also have an unusually sharp, almost photographic memory, so experiences from long ago are easy to recall in great detail—especially when coaxed to the surface by reminders out in the world, like old songs, or particular locations, or foods, or smells.
One minute I’m fully immersed in my current life, shopping for dinner, say, and the next, some song from the 70s comes on the supermarket’s PA, and I’m instantly transported to a time decades ago—often a time associated with painful memories. But for a brief moment, perhaps the length of the song, I find myself lost in a reverie, recalling a rare happy moment from those days—although, nearly just as often, a melancholy one. From there I’m onto…an almost enjoyable sadness for the loss of that time…? Even though in my conscious mind I have no interest in returning to it?
“My favorite definition of saudade is by Portuguese writer Manuel de Melo,” wrote Jasmine Garsd in a 2015 piece at NPR: “‘a pleasure you suffer, an ailment you enjoy.’”
I find this phenomenon fascinating. What about reflecting on painful times allows them to be cast in a more positive light? Is it that we cling to our old hopes from those days, and in hindsight those hopes add an alluring patina?
Like, for instance, why the hell am I nostalgic for the time in August, 1976 when my family had to scramble to evacuate our home on Long Island because of Hurricane Belle? Or that time in the mid-90s I nearly broke my neck rollerblading in the East River Park with a cranky ex I more regularly think of as “Schmuck-o?” (Maybe it’s just the city I miss.) Or times I spent with other ex-boyfriends and ex-friends, who, in most of my waking moments, I’m more than content to no longer have in my life?
Or…or… The older I get, the more fodder in my memory is ripe for saudade. I can see why the Portuguese felt the need to coin a unique term to describe this strange but apparently common feeling.
Now tell me about your experience with saudade…
Here’s my mini-comic, the exercise I did for class. (Like my last comic, this is amateur work. It could definitely be better! But I don’t have time, and, hey, I’m showing myself as a beginner, doing beginner work. Maybe I really will make Oldster tee shirts incorporating someone’s comment from that piece: “Be Brave Enough to Suck at Something New.”):
Okay, your turn:
Are you prone to saudade—a nostalgia and wistfulness for a person, place, thing, or time in your life from long ago? Do you experience an almost enjoyable sadness with it? Tell me all about it in the comments…
PS Here’s a little demonstration of the pronunciation of saudade:
Have a great weekend! And thanks as always for reading, and for all your support. 🙏
There's something about tapping in to old grief from the safety of our present (improved) circumstances that feels good. We can visit the old times, but we don't have to live there anymore. It makes me think of the expression "exquisite pain". Old wounds can also be an access point to dig deeper into our present feelings. We've adapted to societal norms, learned coping skills, or just swallowed our feelings, but they never go away. Perhaps we also benefit from being reminded of our own resilience. We made it through that tough time, and came out better for it.
"One minute I’m fully immersed in my current life, shopping for dinner, say, and the next, some song from the 70s "
It doesn't take a tune on the radio or speaker in a store to bring me there. When I walk in the morning, - generally in darkness with my dog-I simply remember an old song and hum, or whistle it. Then I bring it home and catch my wife with it. We're both over 80 and know a lot of old tunes. And we have a lot of memories.