"Free to Be...You and Me" Did Not Prepare Me for this Moment

A disillusioned Gen X-er's lament. PLUS: What music, literature, or art informed your values, and view of the world? A Friday Open Thread...

Readers,

For an adult pushing 60 who has neither kids nor grandkids, I listen to Free to Be…You and Me an awful lot, singing along at the top of my lungs every time. It’s an all-time favorite that shaped my view of the world. I might never be able to let go of it, even though the world has never quite lived up to that view, least of all now.

For those unfamiliar with this children’s record released in November, 1972, it’s a collection of songs and stories about gender and racial equality, and basic human kindness. Funded partially by The Ms. Foundation and PBS, it features now iconic performances by Marlo Thomas (the record’s creator), Diana Ross, Alan Alda, Mel Brooks, Harry Belafonte, Carol Channing, Dick Cavett, Rosey Grier, and others.

I was 7 the first time I was exposed to this compendium of liberal-minded allegories, and I ate up its utopian vision of the world. It strongly influenced me and informed my understanding of how the world worked—or how it seemed it should work. I took the first line of the theme song as a promise: There’s a land that I see, where the children are free…and I say it ain’t far to this land from where we are.

The story of the independent-thinking princess in “Atalanta” let me know that girls didn’t have to marry men they didn’t love—or marry at all. Songs like “William’s Doll” and “It’s Alright to Cry” told me it was okay for boys to be sensitive and show their feelings. “Parents Are People” told me that “Mommies and daddies can be anything they wanna be,” career-wise, regardless of gender. The poem “Housework” made it clear that cleaning was everyone’s job, not just women’s. “Sisters and Brothers” seemed to say we’re all family—regardless of where we come from or the color of our skin, we’re all “every father's daughter, every mother's son…”

I took to the record instantly, playing it day after day, singing along to its jangly, upbeat soft rock, absorbing its inspiring and empowering messages. On All in the Family I observed Archie Bunker razzing his neighbor Maude and his daughter, Gloria, about “women’s lib,” and right there on this record was confirmation that Archie was a retrograde jerk, and that Maude and Gloria were doing the right thing, standing up to him. Things were changing!

More than any other text I would later encounter, Free to Be… felt like a guidebook to life. To my young mind, it might as well have been titled How to Be a Person in the World. It was more of a bible to me than The Bible, a tract codifying how humans were meant to treat each other, especially if we wanted to achieve the promise of a better, fairer future. I took as gospel its messages of equality, fair-mindedness, women’s liberation and empowerment, and assumed just about everyone else did, too.

Of course, as an adult I came to learn those ideals weren’t universally shared, or easily achievable on a grand scale. As a bystander to U.S. and world history, just like you, I’ve witnessed all kinds of bigotry and evil brutality. But I still somehow believed most of us were continuing to strive toward better, higher standards of being. That we still had a long way to go, but we nonetheless were aiming toward that fairer, brighter future promised in Free to Be… I was certain of it.

What’s happening in this country (and much of the world) right now has been a rude awakening for me, seriously disrupting my hope for that future. Our current administration’s cruelty and bigotry seem to know no bounds. They’re turning back the clock on 160 years of progress, civil rights, reproductive rights, gender equality, workers’ rights, medical science, and more. No one is safe, least of all migrants, people of color, trans people and the rest of the LBGTQ community, women, Jews, Muslims, working class people, those with disabilities, elders, the poor, and others in any way marginalized.

People’s lives are being upended and ruined at the whims of a couple of greedy enfant terribles and the elected officials too afraid to stand up to them. It’s terrifying and demoralizing. I’m experiencing a level of heartsickness and disillusionment unlike any I’ve experienced before.

Get me rewrite: “…and I say, it’s looking AWFULLY FAR, to this land from where we are.” But I’ll keep listening to the record and singing along because it’s a source of familiar comfort, and because I still want to believe in its messages, and humanity.

Thinking about this made me want to reach out and hear from all of you about your cultural touchstones—music, art and literature that shaped you and your beliefs. In the comments please tell me…

How old are you? What music, literature, or art informed your values, and view of the world? What did it lead you to believe in? Has your faith in those beliefs ever been challenged? How? Bonus question: Did you grow up listening to Free to Be…You and Me (or did your kids?), and if so, how did it affect you?

Despite what’s happening now, I don’t think it was misguided to put my faith in the ideals Free to Be… instilled in me. It was good for me to learn at a young age the importance of care, compassion, and community, values that still guide me, even in the darkest of times. I still believe we should be striving toward kindness, fairness, and equality all around, that those things are everyone’s birthright. (I mean, duh.)

My mistake was assuming our eventual achievement of these ideals was a sure thing; that our brighter future—while clearly still way up ahead in the distance—was guaranteed.

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P.S. On a much lighter note, the song on the record that probably had the greatest impact on my expectations of adulthood was “When We Grow Up,” sung by Diana Ross—especially the line: “When I grow up, I’m gonna be happy, and do what I’d like to do…” It gave me the impression that adulthood was going to be awesome. I would get to be whoever I wanted to be, and do whatever I wanted to do, whenever I felt like it. Oops.

Here’s Roberta Flack and Michael Jackson performing “When We Grow Up” in a TV production of Free to Be…You and Me:

P.P.S. RIP Roberta Flack, who died this week at 88. What a beautiful singer.

Killing Me Softly With His Song was the first 45 I owned. (Free to Be… was my first LP.) I was 8 when it came out. When my parents took me to the record store, I asked for my favorite song from the radio.

saribotton

A post shared by @saribotton

P.P.P.S Fun fact: in 2012 I was in a community theater production of Free to Be… in Rosendale, NY. I sang “William’s Doll,” performing the part of William, as Marlo Thomas had.

Me as “William”

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Okay, your turn:

How old are you? What music, literature, or art informed your values, and view of the world? What did it lead you to believe in? Has your faith in those beliefs ever been challenged? How? Bonus question: Did you grow up listening to Free to Be…You and Me (or did your kids?), and if so, how did it affect you?

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Bonus: In case these times are making you feel like you want to cry, here’s football-player-turned-pastor Rosie Grier giving you permission:

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Thanks, as always, for reading and commenting thoughtfully. You are the best comments section on the internet! I’m so happy and grateful you’re all here. 🙏 💝

Have a great weekend.

-Sari