I’ve loved reading this! It gives me hope. There are people with courage! Not just sharing the experience but also to jump in and find your voice. It’s brilliant
I better follow your substack. I think men’s and women’s behaviour develops largely along social conventions. That’s why it’s generally better to listen to women, they are generally less privileged. I’m quite sure that privilege within its context makes people dumb. Been there. Hiring a sex worker is a great way to properly self-care if they’re the right match.
Thank you for your honesty, Gail. I’m almost 68 and after 30 to 40 (mostly) coffee dates I met my current partner of 3 years. I met some very nice men online before meeting my guy. Don’t give up on that avenue. It’s work and it’s worth it, I think.
I’m sorrowful about this. Objectification. You’ll never be satisfied on the path you are on Gail. Living Water- never thirst again. I recommend Alison Cook
I also want to echo respect for your courage and openness. I can't imagine my sister (closer to you generationally than me) being able to clearly and (at least, apparently!) so naturally describe all of your feelings and the scenario you endured. I might be able to write that, but publishing it might take a lot! Great work.
Thanks for contacting me. It means a lot to know how much this story resonates with others. The chorus of voices give me courage to keep writing, to keep speaking up and to keep asking for what i want . Thanks for being part of that chorus.
I saw this in my inbox and thought, how brave, delightful, fascinating! I was along for the ride and disappointed that the experience fell far below expectations, but glad that there seemed to be a more satisfying follow-up with someone else. Chemistry is an illogical, often contrary, flummoxing thing—something that works with one person can be a turnoff with another. We all know this, brain to bone. I can’t imagine the weight of this as a job! “Make it magical in three hours with a stranger.” The escort clearly made an effort; it seems he treaded conservatively. Tricky, tricky. He misread his client, probably mis-metered time, etc. He did put in significant time and labor. Chemistry seems almost an impossibility with outsize expectation on just one party, even in such a scenario. Of course, this situation *is* transactional, for a tidy sum from someone who’s able to pay to explore (the sex worker is the person on the lower end of the power dynamic, in this respect). The sex worker is also a human being as much as the client (not a corporation or a robot). He's a person, doing a job, putting in time and effort, and honestly he seemed to try his best. I wonder if he could have been at least partially compensated. I think maybe Mitch fell the most short on setting up realistic expectations, and if he’s reading this, I wonder if agreeing upon tiered payment (baseline for time and effort) up front with the client would be a way to elegantly mitigate some of this. I salute the author for her initiative, and for her sense of adventure and self-worth. I also would like to stand up for the sex worker, and, maybe this isn’t what’s happening, but do wish a story of discovery could come without being at the expense of someone earnest being cast as wholly responsible for success, and as a failure in this way. Thank you again for sharing your story.
Thank you for articulating what I could not. I applaud the writer's exploration of her sexuality. I do not applaud the treatment of this sex worker. I get it, we are frustrated by men in so many ways, but taking it out on him is unethical in my estimation. I'd be curious to see how readers would respond if the client was male and the sex worker female.
If you’re equating “romantic chemistry in 3 hours” with “deliver a pizza,” maybe? But even with a late pizza delivery I like to remember that there’s a person involved, with things outside that person’s control, which could have affected outcome. I ask for refunds like anyone! But we’re not dealing with perfect systems or machines. I like to think that less transactional thinking might make for a nicer world to live in. And actually be more fair.
I think everone will agree that if you don't get a service, you should get refunded. Not getting a service and not enjoying the service is a different thing though. In this case, there clearly was effort and time put in by the escort.
It's also unclear if the author gave the chance to the escort to improve upon the erotic massage. Did she say, as it was happening, what she would like different?
The author also doesn't state that she did her due diligence either. For many services, one should try their best to ascertain skills, compatibility and expertise before hiring.
In my opinion, asking for a partial refund would have been more acceptable.
WRONG. Flat wrong. She explicitly laid out what she wanted for her birthday in the session and allotted 3 hours. He's a professional like you say so he should know what to do but he bungled the whole job. You can't compare it to a man and a woman sex worker because that's not what it is. That would ignore the complex job of making a woman come which is different than making a man come. I'd like to see you, Coleen or anyone else taking this untenable position that is unempathetic to see how you would like $1,800 spent for 3 hours of time and not getting zilch. She didn't even get a proper massage! If you're going to be so negative, let's examine your life choices and why don't you go kick rocks and find another forum instead of projecting your lame views. Like that now trite Theodore Roosevelt quote. It's easy to criticize. Glad you got to vomit your dumb emotions out cathartically on somebody who's actually living life. Shame on you
This was great. Thank you! I admire your candor and self-possession to honor and speak your desires. Your account reminds me of a book I read a while ago by Jane Juska - A Round-Heeled Woman: My Late-Life Adventures in Sex and Romance. In fact, I have read it twice. It's super. I also recommend her novel Mrs. Bennett Has Her Say. Both are intelligent and spirited.
Sounds like you wanted a bit of Jung and Mitch offered only behavioral. But you got a refund and the will to try again. Goodonya.
In my 80’s with my aging apparatus, I recently and unbelievably, found myself a “boy-toy” to a highly responsive woman in her mid-70’s. She scored a “triple” on our first try. As she put it—“three for three”.
“We” are no longer “we”, by mutual consent. What do women want? What do men want? What do Oldsters want? WTF knows?
But for me, neither Jung nor Skinner come to mind—instead Forster—“only connect”.
Yes. And men do it superficially because they fear connection and a very different kind of loss of self. That made it possible for Mitch to go through the motions but not the emotions.
Gail, what a cliffhanger, and so meaningful! To conclude with “finding your voice,” rather than an orgasm, speaks volumes. In the end, isn’t that what women want most?? Also, you remind us that understanding and wisdom happen step-by-step; I know that’s true for me at 73. Still, an orgasm is nice; hoping you will tell us that story too!
I loved this essay and was with you every step of the way, Gail. Mitch and his non-erotic massage made me laugh and cringe along with you. Bravo to you for asking for a refund and also to Mitch for doing the right thing. I can't wait to hear about Escort #2.
Oh man. the ultimate taboo: Oldsters and desire! So glad you got the chocolate cake, Gail! That, and a lesson in what you needed from the encounter with Leo Grande. Too often the response to failure is "I'm a fool for even trying." Instead, as you showed us, it should be, "How will I succeed next time?" Hope you didn't have to seek a refund the second time around!
I really enjoyed this essay, and I immediately shared it with my 70-year-old partner. You might notice from my avatar that I am on the younger end—39 years old to be exact, clearly making for a large age gap between us. Let me say more...
After ending my last long-term relationship in 2018, I took some time away (some of it forced by the pandemic, when I decided it wasn't worth trying to date amongst the chaos), and eventually got onto the apps sometime in mid-2022. I hated them and everything involved in using them, from marketing myself and pointless chit chat, to the algorithmic gatekeeping and the bad dates and just feeling like the pickins' were extremely slim.
For a long time I felt lonely, as though I would never meet someone who matched my preferences and standards (especially hard in middle age when it seems that every good guy is taken). Eventually I adapted more of a stance of patience, knowing it would happen when it happens. I also began to realize that I probably would not find someone on an app, but in real life.
Finally in 2024, while I was out birdwatching (my main hobby), I met my now-partner of almost 10 months. Initially I thought it would be a fling because I wanted to get laid and maybe have some companionship versus my usual solo birding, but it unexpectedly blossomed into much, much more. Yes, technically he is elderly, and sometimes I refer to him jokingly as my Old Man Boyfriend. Despite the age difference (a Boomer and a Millennial, go figure!), we have a lot in common and compliment each other well. We enjoy each other's company, take care of each other, teach each other, and help each other be our best selves. Our adventures have been fun and so fulfilling. Our time together has been nothing less than "physically and emotionally exhilarating".
Reading your essay, I wished so much that you could find someone just like him, given that he is your age and I imagine meet much of your criteria based on what you are ultimately looking and hoping for in a partner, or with the escort. He definitely doesn't ramble on about golf, money, ailments, or other boring topics. He is interesting, thoughtful, attractive, intelligent, caring, and a gentleman. Notably, he is great in the bedroom. Leagues better than anyone else I've dated or been in a relationship in the past, open-minded, and with a fitness and energy that allows for a longer stamina than many younger guys are capable of. He knows my body and my needs and desires intimately because he seeks to understand them deeply. I am lucky and grateful to get both the "boyfriend" experience and the "hot sex" experience all in one package.
I believe there are many other 60 and 70-somethings out there just like you and just like him, who are searching for their person, and I sincerely hope this becomes true for you, because you deserve it. You deserve to find the person who will see you for the sensual and sexual being you are, and for all your other qualities.
I am new to your writing, so I'm not sure how much you've talked about attempts to meet someone through mutual passions, hobbies, classes, etc. I firmly believe, especially as I continue to hear from my single Millennial friends about how awful their dating experiences are on the apps, that the answer to finding someone special is through the old methods.
I look forward to reading the second installment of your escort escapades!
As a woman who both worked in the sex industry "topless dancing" in NYC way back when - AND as a woman who is now 70 and still very much a happy sexual being I found this story personally touching. Most of us need touch. Too many people find themselves literally out of touch after some age is reached - that seems pretty elastic - its early for some, late for others. That lack of human touch and free play for the aged is enforced by our norms and I believe prematurely ages people. Touch, play and ecstasy - I think people benefit from a moment of their own form of ecstasy - ideally every day. That's what I try for.
Its GREAT that Gail asked for what she wanted. Its confusing to pay for it - and I think the main reason for the confusion is the power relationship involved. Power and social class and the overwhelming history of men using women for money - its just impossible not to think of what has usually happened in whoredom over the course of history.
Are we mirroring the behavior of men in buying sex and potentially belittling the sex worker in the same old way that men have done all this time? I think its a good question to ask. Do I believe that people have the right to buy a fulfilling sexual experience from each other? - absolutely. I like democracy and equality - I like to see situations where an exchange happens and everyone wins.
I'm glad that Gail upended the tradition, is not done thinking about this and is adventuring out some more. I wish her many delights of the body, mind and heart.
What a strong woman you are Gail! I read every word in anticipation as I've wondered about doing this someday as well. Your writing is fabulous and I was on the edge of my seat, waiting and hope, and rooting for you! And so thrilled to see you ask and receive your refund for services you do not receive. I can't wait to read about your next experience! Thank you so much for sharing this will us today! You are an inspiration. 💗
Thanks and really appreciate you taking the time to respond.. starting writing late in life it is good to get such positive feedback. Each time I hear from women like all of you I get stronger and more determined —you are all an inspiration.
Thank you so much for your fabulous feedback. Special thanks to Sari for publishing this piece.
Loved this piece so much thank you Gail I could not relate more and actually just wrote about my ‘massage’ with a younger man. You are a Gem!!
Just saying…If it was reversed written by an older man for an escort we might not think he was all that cool!
I’m inspired by your boldness and desire. Go you!
I’ve loved reading this! It gives me hope. There are people with courage! Not just sharing the experience but also to jump in and find your voice. It’s brilliant
Thanks I am pleased it gave you hope. It means so much to hear from men - we women need more of voices like yours in unison with us.
I better follow your substack. I think men’s and women’s behaviour develops largely along social conventions. That’s why it’s generally better to listen to women, they are generally less privileged. I’m quite sure that privilege within its context makes people dumb. Been there. Hiring a sex worker is a great way to properly self-care if they’re the right match.
Great review of women struggling to get needs identified and met.
My pleasure. <3
Thank you for your honesty, Gail. I’m almost 68 and after 30 to 40 (mostly) coffee dates I met my current partner of 3 years. I met some very nice men online before meeting my guy. Don’t give up on that avenue. It’s work and it’s worth it, I think.
Thanks Deborah so happy for you and impressed with your persistence - good on you. I never say never
Chippendales is always a great form of entertainment in your 70s haha 😉😉❤️ take good care of yourself & live life to the fullest ✊🏽✊🏽✊🏽
I’m sorrowful about this. Objectification. You’ll never be satisfied on the path you are on Gail. Living Water- never thirst again. I recommend Alison Cook
https://www.dralisoncook.com/podcast
And Being Known Podcast (Curt Thompson)
https://curtthompsonmd.com
at 70 years old i could only ever wish for grandmothers to enjoy the pleasures of young men & live life without regret ✊🏽✊🏽❤️❤️
How brave. I look forward to reading about the second time!
Me, too!
Ditto!
She's writing it for Oldster now!
Oh good!! I look forward to it!
I also want to echo respect for your courage and openness. I can't imagine my sister (closer to you generationally than me) being able to clearly and (at least, apparently!) so naturally describe all of your feelings and the scenario you endured. I might be able to write that, but publishing it might take a lot! Great work.
Thanks for contacting me. It means a lot to know how much this story resonates with others. The chorus of voices give me courage to keep writing, to keep speaking up and to keep asking for what i want . Thanks for being part of that chorus.
I saw this in my inbox and thought, how brave, delightful, fascinating! I was along for the ride and disappointed that the experience fell far below expectations, but glad that there seemed to be a more satisfying follow-up with someone else. Chemistry is an illogical, often contrary, flummoxing thing—something that works with one person can be a turnoff with another. We all know this, brain to bone. I can’t imagine the weight of this as a job! “Make it magical in three hours with a stranger.” The escort clearly made an effort; it seems he treaded conservatively. Tricky, tricky. He misread his client, probably mis-metered time, etc. He did put in significant time and labor. Chemistry seems almost an impossibility with outsize expectation on just one party, even in such a scenario. Of course, this situation *is* transactional, for a tidy sum from someone who’s able to pay to explore (the sex worker is the person on the lower end of the power dynamic, in this respect). The sex worker is also a human being as much as the client (not a corporation or a robot). He's a person, doing a job, putting in time and effort, and honestly he seemed to try his best. I wonder if he could have been at least partially compensated. I think maybe Mitch fell the most short on setting up realistic expectations, and if he’s reading this, I wonder if agreeing upon tiered payment (baseline for time and effort) up front with the client would be a way to elegantly mitigate some of this. I salute the author for her initiative, and for her sense of adventure and self-worth. I also would like to stand up for the sex worker, and, maybe this isn’t what’s happening, but do wish a story of discovery could come without being at the expense of someone earnest being cast as wholly responsible for success, and as a failure in this way. Thank you again for sharing your story.
Thank you for articulating what I could not. I applaud the writer's exploration of her sexuality. I do not applaud the treatment of this sex worker. I get it, we are frustrated by men in so many ways, but taking it out on him is unethical in my estimation. I'd be curious to see how readers would respond if the client was male and the sex worker female.
Amen. This seems pretty unethical to not pay a sex worker - after committing to pay and receiving their time and services.
If you paid for a service and didn't receive it, you should get refunded. Some people are just bad at their job.
Well said - maybe it is our Canadian heritage
If you’re equating “romantic chemistry in 3 hours” with “deliver a pizza,” maybe? But even with a late pizza delivery I like to remember that there’s a person involved, with things outside that person’s control, which could have affected outcome. I ask for refunds like anyone! But we’re not dealing with perfect systems or machines. I like to think that less transactional thinking might make for a nicer world to live in. And actually be more fair.
Just remember, by your logic that that MUST also apply to men who hire female escorts. She didn't swallow? Time for a full refund!
I think everone will agree that if you don't get a service, you should get refunded. Not getting a service and not enjoying the service is a different thing though. In this case, there clearly was effort and time put in by the escort.
It's also unclear if the author gave the chance to the escort to improve upon the erotic massage. Did she say, as it was happening, what she would like different?
The author also doesn't state that she did her due diligence either. For many services, one should try their best to ascertain skills, compatibility and expertise before hiring.
In my opinion, asking for a partial refund would have been more acceptable.
WRONG. Flat wrong. She explicitly laid out what she wanted for her birthday in the session and allotted 3 hours. He's a professional like you say so he should know what to do but he bungled the whole job. You can't compare it to a man and a woman sex worker because that's not what it is. That would ignore the complex job of making a woman come which is different than making a man come. I'd like to see you, Coleen or anyone else taking this untenable position that is unempathetic to see how you would like $1,800 spent for 3 hours of time and not getting zilch. She didn't even get a proper massage! If you're going to be so negative, let's examine your life choices and why don't you go kick rocks and find another forum instead of projecting your lame views. Like that now trite Theodore Roosevelt quote. It's easy to criticize. Glad you got to vomit your dumb emotions out cathartically on somebody who's actually living life. Shame on you
My exact thoughts.
Gail, I just adore that you demanded and got a full refund. And good thing this gentleman didn't have a Yelp page. HA!!
This was great. Thank you! I admire your candor and self-possession to honor and speak your desires. Your account reminds me of a book I read a while ago by Jane Juska - A Round-Heeled Woman: My Late-Life Adventures in Sex and Romance. In fact, I have read it twice. It's super. I also recommend her novel Mrs. Bennett Has Her Say. Both are intelligent and spirited.
Oh, I loved A Round-Heeled Woman!
Check out Mrs. Bennett Has Her Say. Just as good!
I will! Thanks for the rec.
Thanks for the book suggestion and your kind words
Three cheers for thre round-heeled woman!
Loved this 🥰. My name is Gail and I’m turning 70 next year. I’m divorced and not dating and this story really got my attention.
Escort?? I had no idea that was a thing. Yes I’ve seen it in movies, but not known anyone to do that in real life.
How brave. I’m not sure how I’ll be celebrating my 70th birthday, but you certainly give me something to think about.
Brave is such an interesting word, I don’t feel brave I just am trying to make sure I keep feeling alive!!
Your doing a great job 👏🏽
This was practically made for you!
Sounds like it!!
Riveting tale. Well told.
Sounds like you wanted a bit of Jung and Mitch offered only behavioral. But you got a refund and the will to try again. Goodonya.
In my 80’s with my aging apparatus, I recently and unbelievably, found myself a “boy-toy” to a highly responsive woman in her mid-70’s. She scored a “triple” on our first try. As she put it—“three for three”.
“We” are no longer “we”, by mutual consent. What do women want? What do men want? What do Oldsters want? WTF knows?
But for me, neither Jung nor Skinner come to mind—instead Forster—“only connect”.
Go know?🤷🏼♂️
Yes —only connect. Often as women we are busy connecting with others and not ourselves —body and mind, heart and head.
Yes. And men do it superficially because they fear connection and a very different kind of loss of self. That made it possible for Mitch to go through the motions but not the emotions.
Gail, what a cliffhanger, and so meaningful! To conclude with “finding your voice,” rather than an orgasm, speaks volumes. In the end, isn’t that what women want most?? Also, you remind us that understanding and wisdom happen step-by-step; I know that’s true for me at 73. Still, an orgasm is nice; hoping you will tell us that story too!
Thanks Debbie yes an orgasm is a treat… finding my voice a neccessity.
I am 751/4 and widowed twice with various health issues-mbut SAFETY would have been another concern.
I loved this essay and was with you every step of the way, Gail. Mitch and his non-erotic massage made me laugh and cringe along with you. Bravo to you for asking for a refund and also to Mitch for doing the right thing. I can't wait to hear about Escort #2.
So pleased it made you laugh that is the best compliment.
I wrote an article regarding escorts and would love to get your feedback on it: https://jj426.substack.com/p/woman-the-human-and-woman-the-sex
Thank you for this fascinating piece of writing. And your photo is gorgeous!
Oh man. the ultimate taboo: Oldsters and desire! So glad you got the chocolate cake, Gail! That, and a lesson in what you needed from the encounter with Leo Grande. Too often the response to failure is "I'm a fool for even trying." Instead, as you showed us, it should be, "How will I succeed next time?" Hope you didn't have to seek a refund the second time around!
Yes shame holds us back from so much. Love “how will I succeed next time” I find it easier to trust myself and risk as I get older
Wowww! Great story to wake up to! Thank you for this life-affirming story!
I really enjoyed this essay, and I immediately shared it with my 70-year-old partner. You might notice from my avatar that I am on the younger end—39 years old to be exact, clearly making for a large age gap between us. Let me say more...
After ending my last long-term relationship in 2018, I took some time away (some of it forced by the pandemic, when I decided it wasn't worth trying to date amongst the chaos), and eventually got onto the apps sometime in mid-2022. I hated them and everything involved in using them, from marketing myself and pointless chit chat, to the algorithmic gatekeeping and the bad dates and just feeling like the pickins' were extremely slim.
For a long time I felt lonely, as though I would never meet someone who matched my preferences and standards (especially hard in middle age when it seems that every good guy is taken). Eventually I adapted more of a stance of patience, knowing it would happen when it happens. I also began to realize that I probably would not find someone on an app, but in real life.
Finally in 2024, while I was out birdwatching (my main hobby), I met my now-partner of almost 10 months. Initially I thought it would be a fling because I wanted to get laid and maybe have some companionship versus my usual solo birding, but it unexpectedly blossomed into much, much more. Yes, technically he is elderly, and sometimes I refer to him jokingly as my Old Man Boyfriend. Despite the age difference (a Boomer and a Millennial, go figure!), we have a lot in common and compliment each other well. We enjoy each other's company, take care of each other, teach each other, and help each other be our best selves. Our adventures have been fun and so fulfilling. Our time together has been nothing less than "physically and emotionally exhilarating".
Reading your essay, I wished so much that you could find someone just like him, given that he is your age and I imagine meet much of your criteria based on what you are ultimately looking and hoping for in a partner, or with the escort. He definitely doesn't ramble on about golf, money, ailments, or other boring topics. He is interesting, thoughtful, attractive, intelligent, caring, and a gentleman. Notably, he is great in the bedroom. Leagues better than anyone else I've dated or been in a relationship in the past, open-minded, and with a fitness and energy that allows for a longer stamina than many younger guys are capable of. He knows my body and my needs and desires intimately because he seeks to understand them deeply. I am lucky and grateful to get both the "boyfriend" experience and the "hot sex" experience all in one package.
I believe there are many other 60 and 70-somethings out there just like you and just like him, who are searching for their person, and I sincerely hope this becomes true for you, because you deserve it. You deserve to find the person who will see you for the sensual and sexual being you are, and for all your other qualities.
I am new to your writing, so I'm not sure how much you've talked about attempts to meet someone through mutual passions, hobbies, classes, etc. I firmly believe, especially as I continue to hear from my single Millennial friends about how awful their dating experiences are on the apps, that the answer to finding someone special is through the old methods.
I look forward to reading the second installment of your escort escapades!
Oh what a beautiful story thank you so much for sharing it with me. Sometimes magic does happen and age has very little to do with it.
Yes I am thrilled Sari will be publishing it in a few months.
As a woman who both worked in the sex industry "topless dancing" in NYC way back when - AND as a woman who is now 70 and still very much a happy sexual being I found this story personally touching. Most of us need touch. Too many people find themselves literally out of touch after some age is reached - that seems pretty elastic - its early for some, late for others. That lack of human touch and free play for the aged is enforced by our norms and I believe prematurely ages people. Touch, play and ecstasy - I think people benefit from a moment of their own form of ecstasy - ideally every day. That's what I try for.
Its GREAT that Gail asked for what she wanted. Its confusing to pay for it - and I think the main reason for the confusion is the power relationship involved. Power and social class and the overwhelming history of men using women for money - its just impossible not to think of what has usually happened in whoredom over the course of history.
Are we mirroring the behavior of men in buying sex and potentially belittling the sex worker in the same old way that men have done all this time? I think its a good question to ask. Do I believe that people have the right to buy a fulfilling sexual experience from each other? - absolutely. I like democracy and equality - I like to see situations where an exchange happens and everyone wins.
I'm glad that Gail upended the tradition, is not done thinking about this and is adventuring out some more. I wish her many delights of the body, mind and heart.
And... maybe try a woman next time.
Thanks for the thoughtful response
What a strong woman you are Gail! I read every word in anticipation as I've wondered about doing this someday as well. Your writing is fabulous and I was on the edge of my seat, waiting and hope, and rooting for you! And so thrilled to see you ask and receive your refund for services you do not receive. I can't wait to read about your next experience! Thank you so much for sharing this will us today! You are an inspiration. 💗
Thanks and really appreciate you taking the time to respond.. starting writing late in life it is good to get such positive feedback. Each time I hear from women like all of you I get stronger and more determined —you are all an inspiration.
Thank you! I can't wait to hear "the rest of the story" as Paul Harvey used to say. Or rather, Chapter Two. 🩷