Ask a Sober Oldster #34: Mickey Boardman
"Being an addict and alcoholic is a full time job and I really was employee of the month, every month."
This monthly interview series is a collaboration between Oldster Magazine and The Small Bow, A.J. Daulerio’s excellent newsletter and podcast about recovery and mental health, and appears in both newsletters. Learn more about this collaboration in this Oldster podcast/videocast episode.
I (Mickey Boardman AskMrMickey) was born in Chicago and grew up in Hanover Park, Illinois, a suburb. I have a BA in Spanish from Purdue. I did 3.5 years of a BFA in Fashion Design from Parsons. I failed a class my senior year so I never graduated. I was an intern at Paper Magazine at the time and they hired me. I’ve been at Paper for 34 years, from intern to Editorial Director. I’m also Creative Director of Playgirl, the classic sexy magazine for women. I love travel, royal history, glamour and am currently obsessed with movies from 1929. I’m Libra, Sagittarius rising, moon in Leo.
He publishes the newsletter Ask Mr. Mickey with Mickey Boardman.
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How old are you, and how long have you been in recovery?
I’ll be 60 on October 10th and I’ve been sober for 29 years as of April 1st.
How did you get there?
I’ve always had an addictive personality. Alcohol, drugs, sex, food, shopping. I overdid them all. My boss, mentor and friend Kim Hastreiter took me to lunch and said she knew I was a heroin addict and I couldn’t work at Paper anymore unless I got sober. I went to rehab and it took a few tries but I got sober. In a funny way being an addict was an amazing blessing because if I wasn’t addict, I couldn’t have gotten sober and sobriety is the best thing that ever happened to me.
What are the best things about being in recovery?
I’m fully coherent and present for my life. Good or bad, I remember each experience and I don’t have to worry about embarrassing myself or doing something messy I’ll regret later.
Being an addict and alcoholic is a full time job and I really was employee of the month, every month. That left very little time for building positive things in my life, nurturing relationships and pursuing goals.
They say at first drinking and drugging is super fun with no consequences. Then it’s fun with some consequences. Eventually it’s zero fun and all consequences. It’s such a relief to be off that hamster wheel.
I’ve always had an addictive personality. Alcohol, drugs, sex, food, shopping. I overdid them all. My boss, mentor and friend Kim Hastreiter took me to lunch and said she knew I was a heroin addict and I couldn’t work at Paper anymore unless I got sober. I went to rehab and it took a few tries but I got sober.
What’s hard about being in recovery?
I don’t know if I’d say it’s hard because all we have to do is stop drinking, go to meetings, and follow the program. I’m committed one day at a time for the rest of my life. You just have to surrender and follow the suggestions.
Although the 9th step is kind of scary. But in sobriety I’ve learned if we’re scared of something that means it’s something we should probably do.
How has your character changed? What’s better about you?
My personality hasn’t changed. I’m still fun and optimistic and enthusiastic. I’m just less messy and more dependable. I think I’m a better friend, better worker and better citizen. If I wasn’t sober, I wouldn’t have any of the amazing things that I have in my life.
They say: Drugs: they might not kill you but they’ll take your life.
In a funny way being an addict was an amazing blessing because if I wasn’t addict, I couldn’t have gotten sober and sobriety is the best thing that ever happened to me.
What do you still need to work on? What “character defects” do you still wrestle with?
I’m great at starting things with a big splash but not as good at sustaining momentum and finishing projects.
I’m a champion procrastinator.
I eat too much junk food.
I love the spotlight and sometimes treat life like a stand-up comedy routine. I want laughs and attention, which isn’t always the healthiest way to approach life.
What’s the best recovery memoir you’ve ever read? Tell us what you liked about it.
I loved High on Arrival by Mackenzie Phillips, Dry by Augusten Burroughs, and of course Wishful Drinking by Carrie Fisher. I loved everything she did and am so inspired by her.
What are some memorable sober moments?
Traveling the world. Going to India over 30 times. Doing several safaris in Africa. The thing that really nourishes my soul is the work I do with the charity Citta.
The fashion and media work I do is fun and glamorous but the charity work makes people’s lives better in such incredible ways.
My personality hasn’t changed. I’m still fun and optimistic and enthusiastic. I’m just less messy and more dependable. I think I’m a better friend, better worker and better citizen. If I wasn’t sober, I wouldn’t have any of the amazing things that I have in my life.
Are you in therapy? On meds? Tell us about that.
I’ve been in therapy for decades.
I’m on multiple medications for Parkinson’s and also Mounjaro. I’m a big fan of all my medications although I believe insurance companies are evil and the healthcare system in our country is a disgrace.
What sort of activities or groups do you participate in to help your recovery? (i.e. swimming, 12-step, meditation, et cetera.)
I exercise with a trainer and try to do cardio as well. Intense cardio is the best thing for people with neurological disorders. I feel great when I exercise but I need to be more consistent about it. It’s so easy to get distracted with work or other nonsense but my health really needs to come first.
I am an introvert and when I covered fashion shows (briefly, occasionally), I found the experience to be overwhelming torture. Many of the people I'd run into were friends but it was all just too GD much. Panic inducing, not fun. Exception: seeing Mickey. Always kind, always cheerful, always genuine.
Modern day hero. We worked together for many years and I have nothing but praise for Mr. Mickey.