Ask a Sober Oldster #26: Rhett Miller
"It’s hard feeling isolated in a roomful of partying people, and the hilarious thing is that that’s my job."
This monthly interview series is a collaboration between Oldster Magazine and The Small Bow, A.J. Daulerio’s excellent newsletter about recovery and mental health, and will appear in both newsletters. Learn more about this collaboration in this Oldster podcast/videocast episode.
Rhett Miller is a revered and award-winning singer-songwriter known for his more than three decades fronting the popular rock band Old 97’s. After two independent releases, Miller and the 97’s signed to Elektra Records and released the critically acclaimed Too Far to Care. Their 13th studio album American Primitive, was released on ATO Records in the spring of 2024. Between projects with the Old 97’s Miller has released eight solo albums, most recently 2022’s The Misfit.
In addition to his songwriting, Miller has branched out to write fiction and nonfiction. He has authored short stories, essays and articles that have been featured in Rolling Stone, Bookforum, Sports Illustrated, McSweeny’s, The Atlantic and Salon. He has also published two children’s books via Little Brown Young Readers.
Rhett’s podcast, Wheels Off: Conversations about Creativity, which just hit 200 episodes, features well-known guests from all areas of the arts. Rhett has appeared in films, most recently Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 and the Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special, in which he performs a song he cowrote with director James Gunn. His songs have been used in countless movies, television shows and commercials.
Rhett teaches songwriting at The New School in Manhattan, conducts an annual Songwriting Is Magic retreat in the Catskills, and has led workshops elsewhere, notably at the Sanibel Island Writers Conference, Chicago’s historic Old Town School Of Folk Music, and at the Herberger Institute for Design and the Arts at Arizona State University.
When not on tour, Rhett Miller resides in New Paltz, New York with his wife Erica and two children. He can be followed on Instagram and X (both @rhettmiller). Information about his solo music projects can be found at www.rhettmiller.com, while information about Old 97’s can be found at Old97s.com. He writes the Substack newsletter Time & Temperature .
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How old are you, and how long have you been in recovery?
I’m 54 years old and I just reached the ten-year mark of my sobriety.
How did you get there?
I went to a few AA meetings, but my path depended primarily on a therapist with a lot of experience in recovery and sobriety. Also, I depended on a network of sober friends.
What are the best things about being in recovery?
The clarity my sobriety affords is the greatest gift. And the fact that my sobriety has allowed me to stay married and living in the house with my kids, who have both just flown the nest. I love how few regrets I feel upon waking, as well as the marked absence of a hangover!
I’m calmer and more centered now that I’m sober. So much of my drive to drink was built on insecurity and now that I’m sober, ironically, that insecurity has become much more manageable. I’m more dependable and less cranky. I’m a better performer and writer. I’m more present in my life.
What’s hard about being in recovery?
It’s hard feeling isolated in a roomful of partying people, and the hilarious thing is that that’s my job. It’s hard not having the dampening effect of alcohol to keep the trickier feelings at bay—I actually have to work through them.
How has your character changed? What's better about you?
I’m calmer and more centered now that I’m sober. So much of my drive to drink was built on insecurity and now that I’m sober, ironically, that insecurity has become much more manageable. I’m more dependable and less cranky. I’m a better performer and writer. I’m more present in my life.
What do you still need to work on? What “character defects” do you still wrestle with?
I still suffer from some imposter syndrome. I still bend over backwards to please other people far too often. I still worry way too much what others think.
What’s the best recovery memoir you’ve ever read? Tell us what you liked about it.
I love Sarah Hepola’s memoir Blackout. That was a real wake-up call for me. She’s a brilliant writer.
My sobriety has allowed me to stay married and living in the house with my kids, who have both just flown the nest. I love how few regrets I feel upon waking, as well as the marked absence of a hangover!
What are some memorable sober moments?
I just celebrated my 10th anniversary of sobriety on the first day of a multi-family trip to Cape Cod. For some reason I wound up agreeing to make the liquor store run for the assembled crew, and on that momentous day, I found myself filling a shopping cart with booze, atop which was perched a single six-pack of NA beer.
Every morning, waking up in my house with my kids will be forever emblazoned on my memory as well. I was able to be there with and for them because of my sobriety.
Are you in therapy? On meds? Tell us about that.
I haven’t been to therapy for a few years now, and I don’t take any meds. I try to stay vigilant and be aware of my mental state in case I ever need either of those, but for now I’m feeling pretty solid.
What sort of activities or groups do you participate in to help your recovery? (i.e. swimming, 12-step, meditation, et cetera)
I have a network of sober friends to whom I reach out when I need to talk through a tough day. That’s working for me.
Rhett Miller’s podcast, Wheels Off:
Are there any questions we haven’t asked you that you think we should add to this? And would you like to answer it?
No. Thanks for illuminating the conversation around sobriety.
Thanks for having me.
A memoir worth checking out is Uncorked: A Memoir of Letting Go and Starting Over.
Don't be fooled into thinking this funny, open-hearted, soulful howl of a book is only for those on a sober journey -- this is a universal grab-you-by-the-collar-and-hold-you-wide-eyed-close kind of memoir that can inspire all of us.
https://www.amazon.com/Uncorked-Memoir-Letting-Starting-Over-ebook/dp/B0F6433YHY